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Marriage. Is It Still Worth It?

Recently, it became very clear that many people my age are either divorced or in the process of getting divorced. The media has also been talking about how more people are choosing to stay single. What’s going on? Why are so many people getting divorced, especially later in life?

My theory is simply time, change, and children. Over time, people change—we know this. You are not the same person in your early thirties as you were in your early twenties. The same goes for your thirties and forties. By the time you reach your thirties, you are likely married. Eventually, you have children. When children come along, a couple definitely changes. Your focus becomes your children, not your spouse. And it is during this period, raising children, that you start to change. The changes are subtle. You dress differently, your views on issues change and maybe you no longer enjoy something you once loved. Maybe you start liking something new. These subtle changes go unnoticed by your spouse. Why? Because both of you are no longer focused on each other but on your children.

Fast forward fifteen to twenty years—now your children are leaving, and it is just you and your spouse. And then you notice. You have changed. Your spouse has changed. You don’t enjoy the same things. You have different views. You want different things. You love them, but not in the same way. And then it hits you like a ton of bricks. You have grown apart.

Two things can happen here. You both realize and understand this change. As a couple, you commit to work and stay together. Or you choose to divorce. Many reading this will think, “No, not me. I would definitely work through it. That’s what marriage is about.” Well, that may be how YOU think, but that is not necessarily how your spouse thinks. They may be ready to move on.

Many will argue that those getting divorced were not committed, married the wrong person, or have a lover. Some of this might be true. However, statistics show that people in their fifties or older are overwhelmingly getting divorced. In fact, the numbers are up. Since the 1990s, the number has increased by fifty percent. For those sixty-five and older, the number has tripled (Pew Research).

Why are we still getting married? In the end, it will most likely end in divorce. Are we still telling our kids to find someone, get married, and have kids?

This only speaks to those who make it to this stage. What about all the failed marriages before this? What are the numbers? At a quick glance, they don’t seem much better. So again, why are we pushing for marriage?

What to hear more about this topic or know the reasons people are choosing to still get married? Tune in to The Nobody Talks About It Podcast.

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It’s a Mix

What’s the most fun way to exercise?

Ways To Make Exercising Fun

Exercising and fun go together?! Really? Yes! They do!

Think of exercising and fun like a good meal or salad. You need the right ingredients in order for your meal or salad to be delicious. In order to have fun while exercising, you too need a certain combo of ingredients, without them it’s just no fun. Now, I am not sure if there is an exact order for the things below to happen in order to make exercising fun, but I do know having any combo of these things will definitely make exercising more fun for you!

So What Do I Need?

  • An Exercise! Which of all the exercises out there do you actually like doing? Have you tried different activities? Running, walking, speed walking, gym, no gym, tennis, biking, paddel? In order to have fun, you have to actually like performing the exercise you are doing. If you are already doing an exercise and are not motivated to continue doing the exercise, that’s probably not the exercise for you. Stop and try something else! Heck, try all forms of exercise until you find a method, sport that you actually like doing and want to continue doing. Exercising is not only about going to a gym, doing situps, running, walking on a treadmill, no, its about moving your body to help maintain your overall health and that could be anything you like doing. And for those who would answer the question at the beginning with not exercising. I would say this is probably true but I think it’s because you are missing some necessary ingredients! Keep reading!
  • An Online Crew! Why are you exercisng alone? Tons of people exercise and tons of people may be doing the same exercise as you. So why are you doing it alone?! Another really important ingreident to this mix is a crew. You need people! From own experience, my crew started with a whatsapp work group, simply called The Fitness Group. I spontaneously created an exercise group. Did we all do the same exercise? No. Did we exercise at the same time? No. Did we do group activities? No. So, what did we do? We motivated each other! Through this texting group, we posted when we exercised, what we did and how we did and even posted pictures of ourselves once done. Eventually, we started posting our stats from our devices as well. Believe it or not, having this texting group motivates you to want to exercise. When you see daily posts from others in the group, it actually pushes you to go and do your thing in the very moment you do not want to. Not only does it become a motivator but it also becomes a source of information for all things related to diet and health. So grab a group of people you know that exercise and create a text group and watch your motivation increase.
  • An In Person Crew! You’ve heard the expression, ” The more the merrier.” being used for going out events, well this expression also holds true when it comes to exercising. The more people you have the merrier exercising will be! Having a in-person crew is a big time motivating factor in exercise. Like I said before, millions of people exercise, so why are you doing it alone? Find an in-person crew. How? Well if you are doing a team sport this is mush easier, but if you attend a gym, go at the same hours, and notice if there are others there at the same time and date. Chit chat with these folks, strike up a conversation. If you see them daily or weekly they, will know you are serious about exercising and probably be willing to discuss workouts and exercise with you. Just don’t bring in outside topics, this may not work and may drive people away. Why? People at the gym or people exercising are serious about what they are doing, trying to achieve objectives. They only want to talk and be focused on what needs to be accomplished , not talk ideal chit chat. This in-person crew will support you in reaching your goals, they cheer you on when you think you cannot do it, and push you when you are dying to get the last rep in. They will help your reach your objectives!
  • Understanding & Acceptance! Another important ingredient to this mixture is understadning and acceptance. Understanding that you need to do exercise because of the tremendous health benefits and accepting perhaps right now you are not in place where it is not a high priority but you are willing and wanting to move it up in the ranks. Understanding and accepting that you some days will be better than others. There will be days where you want to go out and do your exercise and there will be others where you mentally struggle with the idea of exercising and perhaps you may get angry at your online group for not being enough of a motivator that day. Understanding and accepting these thoughts are ok for today and knowing tomorrow you will get back at it again.

Exercising is fun when you have the right mix of ingredients, just like a great salad or meal.

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Life Lesson

Daily writing prompt
Describe something you learned in high school.
View all responses

My immediate response to this was “absolutely nothing,” but I as I thought about it I remembered I did learn about the something valuable, something I have never forgotten and remains true today, sadly.

Growing up I lived on the “right side of the tracks,” meaning the other side was the black area of town. And yes, literally there were tracks that divided the town. I attended a private high school because the public one was full of the black kids. One day, I came home from my private school and announced that I no longer wanted to attend a private school and that the following year I was put in the public school. My private school was a catholic school, I think I had had enough of the nuns telling me how bad of a sinner I was and making us kneel on concrete to pray for forgiveness when we misbehaved in class. I can’t recall if there was much argument about this, but I suspect not as this would save money yearly. So the following year, my junior year of high school, I started attending the local public school.

With the switch came shock. Everything from facilities to my freedom had changed. At first it was overwhelming, teachers absent, no sub, no class, everyday I prayed I had a teacher absent. Smoking was allowed outside the building and I could leave campus for lunch if I wanted. WOW! Amazing shit! Who knew?! The people changed too. As I said, the public school was full of black kids, so finding friends became an issue because I was new and I was white. Who was I to hang out with? Where did I fit in? Yes, you guessed it, with the twenty-five or so white kids of course. I quickly became friends with them.

One morning before first bell, I remember hanging out in the front of the building with the smokers, and getting asked, “So where are you from?” I remember looking at them perplexed. “What do you mean?, I from Westbright, like you.” “No, No, like where are your parents from, I’m Italian” said one person. Then another girl, who I eventually became friends with, Adrianna, said ” I’m Greek.” I looked at them and did not know how to answer that question. ” I’m white.” I said. again I got, “No, no, where are your parents from?” “Oh” I said, “Puerto Rico and the US.” Then just then, one kid shouted back “Oh, so your Spanish.” I guess, I replied. Clueless I was. We were a tight group, because we were the white group, we did not mix with the other kids and we all lived relatively close to each other and on the other side of the tracks.

Time went on and I started getting asked to hang out at their houses. The first time at Adrianna’s house, I remember getting the question again, “So where are you from?” Again I answered, “from Westbright.” Again,” No, where are your parents from?” “Oh.” I said again, and repeated the same information, “Puerto Rico and US.” And again I got, “Oh, so your are Spanish.” This time I replied, “I guess, but I don’t speak Spanish.” This pattern happened to each new friends house I entered. I was so perplexed, I remember going home and asking my mom where I am from and asking how to answer the question.

Race, nationality, identity was not a thing within my home. I don’t think we ever talked about that, I didn’t identity as anything, and if we had, this had not been communicated to me. We were just “white Americans,” so I thought. More and more, I started having similar exchanges in other homes and places I went. It seemed everywhere I went people wanted to know where I was from. Eventullay, with these conversations, I also started to pick up on the comments and remarks that were made about some of the other races or nationalities and how some were more favored over others and why. But I remained resistant, if people asked where I was from I would answer Westbright. Then the follow up question, would always come, what nationality are you?

I never liked to answer the question of nationality and til this day I try to avoid it. My usual response eventually became, “guess,” and I would receive all types of response from Spanish to Italian, to Egyptian. People would want me to clarify but I would only reply with, “I am American.”

Needless to say, this response drove people crazy. I found and still find people have a need to classify you, to box you and with this classification comes assumptions, bias, beliefs, that unfortunately creates a divide.

What I unfortunatly learned in high school, was my first taste of racisim and ever since then the concept is more prevelant than ever.

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One Word

What is one word that describes you?

I have always described myself as spunky but the word spontaneous popped into my head as I read the daily prompt. So, I turned to the dictionary.

According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, spunky or spunk v. means to have liveliness or spirit.

Spontaneous adj., on the other hand, means to arise from a momentary impulse.

After reviewing the definitions, and a bit of thought, I have concluded I have been inaccurately describing myself. Although I am spunky, at times, spontaneous would best describe me. From walking out on my job to hopping on an airplanes to visit people and places randomly with no previous plan, I have done some really spontaneous things. I would say moving to another country is the most spontaneous thing I have done. Yes, I came back from a trip and decided to move. Thank goodness it has worked out!

But, upon further introspection, I find I have lost the spontaneity I once used to have. Not completely, I mean I still do little things randomly out of the blue, but I have not done anything one might categorize as bIg, wild, or shocking it quite a bit. These days my spontaneity is more subdued, hiding in the background let’s say..

Just this week, because I am on vacation, I had the desire to jump on an airplane and whisk off to Europe for a week. This idea entered my mind on Friday night and I began looking for tickets to leave on Sunday night. I did find a reasonable option, but I did not go through with it. What stopped me? Why didn’t I buy the ticket and go? I did not want to have explain to my husband what I was doing. Don’t get me wrong, he would understand and most likely say go, but after a lengthy explanation. And, uff, que pereza, what a pain to explain.

And of course, Monday rolled around and the dreaded I should have gone entered my thoughts at 4pm when the plane would have been landing in Spain. Now, today, I sit writing this blog post recognizing, I miss my spontaneous self. Perhaps it got lost with marriage, kids, and life but I want it back.

Next time, I will take time to explain.

m.

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Tough One

Daily writing prompt
The most important invention in your lifetime is…
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Was it the wired remote control, the microwave, the cd and the five disc cd changer, or was it the…

Wait!

Now I remember! My goodness how could I ever forget. 

It was my Brother Word Processor!

Yep! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

I can’t even imagine getting though college without my Brother Word Processor!!!! My friends used to come over and marvel at it. 

Wow! “What’s that?” they’d ask. 

“Oh, that?” ”That’s my word processor.” “Don’t you have one?!”

“No.” they’d reply with their eyes shining and staring at the machine. 

“How does it work?” I would explain and then I would say,

“Oh, well you can come over and use the next time.”  

Thinking back, I should have started a side hustle of typing up research papers.  Money lost.

All those late nights, doing tireless research, collecting information so that it could be synthesized into a five page paper for class. 

Yep, by far my Brother word processor is the winner.

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My Kind of Fun

Daily writing prompt
List five things you do for fun.
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Solitary activities are what I consider to be fun activities. Because I am surrounded by people all day everyday both in my personal life and work life, I really enjoy it when I have time to myself. I can self indulge, take care of myself, and not have to think about what every one elses needs. Totally carefree. Some ask me if I get lonely especially if by chance the time alone is for a couples of days, but no. I AM my best company!

  1. Reading
  2. Exercising
  3. Blogging
  4. Baking/Cooking
  5. Having a cup of coffee
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Cray Cray

Daily writing prompt
Come up with a crazy business idea.
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Now why would I want to share my crazy business idea? What about if I think my idea is crazy but it’s not really crazy?! It would be possible for someone to read my idea, which I find to be crazy, take it, make it a reality, and then make millions off the idea I shared here.

Nope. No Thanks. I will keep my crazy business idea to myself.

If you wanna get rich, you are gonna have come up with your own crazy ideas.

; )

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Little Pillow

Daily writing prompt
Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
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   My little pillow. Oh how I loved my little pillow. My little pillow was a baby pillow. It had two covers, a bright red one and a white with blue little drawings. I can’t recall what the drawings were, but the red cover was my favorite.  I used to drag the pillow around with me. It shows up in almost all my photos, lingering in the background. As I got older, I no longer carted my pillow around, it sat on my bed. When I watched TV, I would secretly sniff my little pillow as I watched my favorite shows. It had that special little pillow smell, you know? In my twenties, my mom used to ask to me “When are you gonna get rid of that nasty thing?!” Why would I do that, I thought. ”Never!” was my response. My pillow is not harming me or anyone. ”Aren’t you embarrassed if your friends see it?” No. Why would I be?! Needless to say I still have my pillow, it’s not on my bed though. It got old and became delicate over time. I have it stored away in a plastic bag in my closet. It needs repair and I do not trust anyone to repair it. So it sits stored safely in my closet until I have the time to repair it and finally restore it to its rightful place, on my bed, next to me.

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Got Health?

Daily writing prompt
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
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I would love to live to be a 100. To see what new things have developed and how things have changed over the span of a hundred years, would be cool. I have already seen so many changes and developments, the remote control, microwaves, cds, cell phones, internet, computers, it’s exciting to think what more will come? I have even lived through a pandemic, thankfully.  I do have one condition though, physical and mental health is needed. Does it have to be 100% of course not, but it’s gotta be pretty good, you know what I mean?

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Now, It’s What We’ve Got

Daily writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
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The present is where I like to stay. 
Trying to be as fully present as I possibly can while engaged in activities at hand has been my focus. So much so, that picture taking is non existent as it detracts from living in the moment, I think.

I cannot say I have always been this way. No. Looking back at the past and setting my sites on the future is how I used to live. It is not until one becomes faced with the possibility of death does one come to truly find value in today. Tomorrow becomes elusive and meaningless and provokes thoughts envy that hopefully if you are lucky, give way to pity. 

Staying in the present, living the moment, has such great significance yet it is greatly under valued. Most live today thinking of tomorrow in the very moment they should be enjoying what is being experience at hand. 

Because I experienced the possibility of not having a tomorrow, I no longer give away my today’s. 

I am left wondering, why do we obsess in tomorrows and what is wrong with todays? 

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Ingredients Only

Daily writing prompt
List your top 5 grocery store items.
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  1. Chicken
  2. Eggs
  3. Vegetables: Lettuce, tomatoes, spinach, culantro, onions, sweet potatoes, avacados, etc.
  4. Fruits: berries
  5. Whole Wheat Bread / Rice

“I am tired of being an ingredient household.” ”Could you PLEASE buy some snacks?!” 

Maybe next time, remind me.

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Childhood Book

Daily writing prompt
Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?
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“Mommy when are you gonna take me to the library?”

“I hope they have the next book in the series checked in!!”

I used to beg my mom to take me to the library. It was one of the places that I most loved to go. The door to the library was a heavy door, difficult to open. Once opened, the smell of old wood hit you as the children’s library was in a old house of some sort or old barn converted to a library. The floors creaked as you walked around on the red carpet. The card catalog was at the front by the door and the check out / return desk was to the right of that. Saturday’s was library day. Each week I sped read my way through a book, usually done before Saturday. When Saturday finally rolled around, I couldn’t wait to get my next book in the series. I did not have look through the drawers of the card catalog or ask where I could find the books, as I already knew where my books were housed. They were in the back left corner of the library, bottom shelf, next to a window. Each visit, I frantically searched for the next book in the Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House on the Prairie series.

Got it!

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I Say No to Religon but

Daily writing prompt
Do you practice religion?
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I say yes to God. My relationship with God, as with all, is unique. My beliefs include in being the best version of yourself and doing good for others when possible. I believe in kindness, oneness and respect. Although I see how religon can be a source of comfort, belongingness and maybe unity in life (questionable), I also see how religion is a source of division, exclusion, and force of hate stemming from a system of beliefs that are supposed to create belonging, unity, and comfort.

What a dilemma.

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It Ain’t All Bad

Daily writing prompt
Do you remember life before the internet?
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As I scrolled through some posts and liked a few, I noticed a lot of posts talked of the “good ol’ days” as if everything about the internet were terrible. Although life before the internet was good, life after the internet isn’t so bad either. Yes, the “good ol days” were about playing outside, talking on a phone rather than texting, and reading paper books and magazines rather than scrolling on a screen yet, I find life with internet wonderful too. The internet is mostly likely why my husband and I are married today. Before the internet, we put pen to paper to keep in touch, miles and borders between us. The letter were slow to arrive and the information already slightly dated. As time passed, we lost touch, can’t say why. But then, the internet came out, I got an email and there was excitement again, similar to the time of getting letters. Now, hearing the dial up or the ping of the ICQ messenger service letting my know my love was online and chatting with me this is the new excitement and similar to the written letters but better. Today there is daily texting, less wait ,and more frequency. Wow! Sure, before the internet, life may have been better, but I am sure if you look closely, you can see life after the internet is just as good, just different than before.

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Short and Sweet

I have not written in a long while. Getting back into it today.

Today’s post is about motivation. My smart watch just sent me a message, ” You can still do it!” I looked at my watch as I woke up from my long unintended afternoon nap and thought, “Self, no you can’t!” I guess I am tired and I am in no state to be active. Although these messages are meant to motivate me to get up and exercise, today is clearly not one them. As I lay in bed, I ponder the idea, does this “You can still do it” message ever really work on me? Have I ever gotten the automatic message and said to myself, “Self, yes you can!” “Let’s go and exercise!” I don’t think so, nice try I guess. The question I am left with is, does this message really work for anyone?! If it does, please drop me a note and share a moment.

Actually, the message did motivate me or at least it sparked creatvitiy within me. It gave me something to blog about.

Until next time,

Relaxed and chilled.

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An Ideal Day

Describe your most ideal day from begining to end.

Coffee.

Second cup of coffee.

Seated in my reading chair with the bay windows ajar, summer, spring, early fall only.

Slight breeze.

First cup, scrolling through social media.

Second cup, book in hand

Third cup, a skip through morning shows, stop only if mildly entertaining.

Time to get ready for what may come, if anything.

Move to cream colored sofa.

Watch Law & Order SVU marathon or The Closer

Lunch. Homemade. No processed food please.

A bit of reading or writing perhaps.

Looking, searching, internet.

More TV

What shall I eat for dinner?

Move back to reading chair in front of bay window. Feet up on ottaman.

Dinner, pan seared chicken breast with sliced avocado and boiled sweet potatoes.

Family talk via phone.

Change. Ready for bed.

Cream colored sofa.

More TV, a movie perhaps, binge a show, or maybe read again.

Goodnight.

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Almond Pancakes, Stop with the box!

It is of no shock that processed foods are not good for you, and the article published today by CNN only reconfirms this information. So, I am sharing a super easy recipe for almond flour pancakes which I make quite often. They are simple to make and I am pretty sure your family members will end up perfering these almond pancakes to the boxed kind.

I am also sharing this recipe because I know there are healthy pancake recipes out there that require bananas, like the one I published in an earlier post, and I know there are plenty of banana haters out there.

This recipe is dedicated to those who hate bananas, like my son.

Ingredients

  • 1 ⅓ cup of blanched almond flour
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • ¼ cup almond milk
  • 1 tbs of honey
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • Dash of salt
  • Avocado spray/oil for pan

Mix all ingredients is a medium bowl.  If you see that the batter is too dry, add a little more almond milk until proper consistency.  

Serving for 2.  Makes 4 nice size pancakes.  

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Yellow Card Method

Getting students to be their best at all times is a challenge.  We create and establish classroom norms, but as we know, self control is something that is still in development and students need help with self regulation.  

A large majority of my students, in my area of teaching, either play futbol, aka soccer, or they are Champions League fanatics.  There is always talk about which team is best, Real Madrid, Barcelona or  Manchester United. One day it occurred to me to capitalize on this futbol fanaticism.  

I have no fancy name for this discipline technique, I simply call it the  “Yellow” card method.  

When a student is not behaving at their best they get a yellow card.  This yellow card is actually a second warning.  The first warning is simply a verbal warning and a reminder of behavior expectations, perhaps a seat change if necessary.   After a warning and the yellow card, if the student still continues to struggle with self regulation  then comes the dreaded “red” card.   Once a red card is given, that means a note home is sent and a discipline slip is given.    

I used yellow and red construction paper.  I cut them up into card size and plastified them. 

 This is a simple but effective technique. 

Drop a note if you try or a variation of it.

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Learn Something New

I tell my students that you never stop learning. Learning continues through college and well into adulthood. I give them examples from my own experience in the field of teaching, always learning something to stay current and up to date on teaching trends. Eyerolls are what I get as a response from my middle schoolers. Go figure.

Recently, the English department asked the social studies to team up with them for a cross curricular unit for World Read Aloud Day, February 1st. The book chosen was Brother’s Keeper by Julie Lee. The book is set during the Korean War, when the North invad the South. When I heard it was set during the Korean War, my immediate thought was I did not recall learning about the Korean War or if I had, I remember nothing of it. I immediately searched online to get the gist of information on the war and started reading. As stated in a previous post, I loved Brother’s Keeper.

The discovery of another genre to add to my reading genres is a recent learning. I am a non fiction reader and tend to shun fiction writing. My immediate reaction to hearing that this book was historical fiction was “Oh I am going to have force myself to read this one.” Obviously I was focused in the fiction part. But, to my surprise my feeling quickly changed when the historical aspect was introduced in the book.

Learning about the Korean War is my most valuable new learning. I compare this war to the middle child, the forgotten one, as it is a war that has not had enough attention brought to it within schooling systems. The Korean War or The Forgotten War is of significance, and I highly recommend reading Brother’s Keeper not just because of the story but more improtantly for the learning or the re-learning of Korean War. It was a significant event in history and the effects can still be seen today but rarely is it spoken of.

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Yo Hablo Spanish

I could have been trilingual.  Today I would say I am somewhat bilingual.  I can speak Spanish with high fluency but it is  grammatically incorrect.  English is my native language. When I was a baby,  I was exposed to three languages, English, Spanish and Ukrainian.  As my speaking skills started to develop, my phrases and sentences were a mix of the languages.  This frightened my mother and she ordered everyone to speak only English to me.  As a result, I lost what Spanish and Ukrainian I spoke or understood.  Even after many years of schooling and with a trip abroad to learn Spanish, I did not pick up Spanish.  This I  do not accredit to bad education but rather to a stigma that was and is associated with Spanish speakers and the language Spanish.  It wasn’t until I met my husband did I learn to speak Spanish or even had the interest in learning it.  He is bilingual and I learned to speak Spanish from him and from being exposed to his culture and family.  Ukrainian is the language I wish I could speak today.  I know I would probably not use the Ukrainian language as much as Spanish, but I think being trilingual would be useful and interesting.  

The ability to speak more than one language is of importance these days as the world is getting smaller.  Technology connects people from all over the world. Being able to speak more than your own native language will be, if not already, quite beneficial.   When traveling through Europe you encounter citizens who are multilingual.  Not only do they speak their home country’s language but they speak two or even three other languages from neighboring countries.  In contrast, on this side of the world, the Americas, there are only four major languages: French and English in North America , Spanish in Central and South America, and Portuguese in Brazil. Yet most Americans, North, Central and South, barely speak two languages and have very little interest in learning to speak languages from “across the pond.” In the North, we look at those who speak Spanish with disdain and find little value in learning the language or any other language for that matter.  While we are busy looking at “those Spanish speaking people” with disdain, I wonder how we Americans look to others: Europeans, Asians, and Africans.  Are we being  looked at with the same look of disdain for only speaking English and thinking English is the only valuable language?

Wow!  I am sure glad I learned to speak Spanish.

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Throwing Shade

“We all got crowns” from Taylor Swift’s song You Need to Calm Down resonates with me. 

While I do agree with the idea that all women have crowns, unfortunatley we have NOT figured this out as the song goes on to say.  Women pull each other down. We criticize and judge each other from anything to everything, the way we dress, too fat, too skinny, doesn’t act her age, cradle robber, slut, bad mom, terrible wife, can’t cook and so on.  Why do we do this? 

Where is the perfect model we are supposed to be following?  Some may instinctively answer God, but I am leaving religion out of this because when we are calling women fat, ugly and a bad mom, religion is not around . So, besides God, is there a universal standard we women should all be adhering to?  If  such a model or standard exist, can it please be shared universally? 

About a year ago I decided to no longer partake in putting another woman down, rather I decided to repsond to such situations by saying something positive or simply not responding. The not responding really confuses people. I believe women need to stand up for and support one another rather than spend time and energy knocking each other down.  Whether you agree or disagree with what she is doing or saying, we should support.  Why?  Because we are all trying to do our best with what we have learned from generations before and from ourselves at present.  Are we perfect? No.  Are we doing our best, yes.  No perfect model has been presented as of yet, and until one is put forth for all to follow, “We all got Crowns!”  So, wear yours proudly, and help keep all other crowns shiny too. 

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Personal Space, Respect It!

WOW!   I had to look to other blogs for inspiration on this one.  This could turn into a TMI kinda thing. 

Well, I am definitely not the touchy feely kind of person.  I show loads of affection to my family within my household and that includes my dog Kiev, but other than that NADA.  I keep people at a distance.  Maybe it is a city thing, or I’ve watched too many Law and Order Special Victims Unit shows (Go Stabler!), or perhaps that’s just the way I am.   I live in a place where it is customary to greet each other with a kiss on the cheek, both family and friends and perhaps new acquaintances.  I thought with the pandemic this little pesky tradition would have gotten cut out.  But no, the custom carries on although I do think there have been some adjustments depending on the people.  This is a custom of which I do not adhere to and  I am selective as to who I greet in this manner.  Usually, I walk into a home or place and say hello in general to people while other family members do the customary cheek kiss. I am aware that new people meeting me may find me rude, but if they are important enough to matter they will eventually understand, otherwise it does not matter.  As for my family outside my four walls,  they  understand cheek kisses are not my style.

As for work, I have a couple of co-workers that are huggers.  Sometimes they run up to me and hug me.  Omgoodness! Overwhelming.  Personal space invasion!   Not sure what to do with that, but they know me by saying,  “I know you are not a hugger, but I am going to hug you anyway.”  OK.  I guess.  I do appreciate it and I wonder if they think by doing it will convert me into a hugger or perhaps they secretly despise me and this is their form of revenge. Should I ask?   

So in general I would say, I am a keep your distance kinda person!  It’s just simply the way I am. 

Air kisses accepted. Well, maybe. 

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A Book Review, An Investigation, The Unsolicited

I recently got a new book.  Usually I get my book recommendations from various papers and magazines I subscribe to and with GoodReads, but this new book, I got off my TikTok feed.  Because it was talking about books, I stopped and watched.  I am only in chapter one and I am already writing a recommendation  for it.  How could I?  Well because I can tell it will help thousands answer that pesky question Why?  Why don’t other countries get involved?  Why does the US always have to get involved?  Why can’t those other nations help?   The title of the book is Prisoners of Geography by Tim Marshall.  I recommend it, it’s an easy read, and it will have you looking at maps.  Most importantly it will help to answer the questions and comments people make about why?  Chapter one alone will help people to understand the situation of Ukraine immensely.  I do not recommend this book for those who know their history and geography as you may find the information to what you would think is common knowledge; and perhaps it would be if we would teach world history in our schools rather than a lopsided view of US history.  This book should be used as a text in history.

The Cold War.  Now this is a subject that if you have time and are somewhat interested in history you could look into.  I suggest you start with the Forgotten War also known as the Korean War.  Your investigation will take you from Asia, to Europe, and into Latin America.  I will venture to say that many know of and are taught about the Europe, Russia, Cuba Cold War missile crisis.  But I am not sure how aware people are of how the Cold War reached into Latin America and the effects it has on the US today.  I do believe many have heard of the dictators that came into power in Latin America and how the US aided the country in stopping the dictator takeover, but the story that gets told over the media outlets and that we hear are not the whole story and are lopsided too.   This investigation, if done, may help to answer the comments and questions as to why are “they” the immigrants coming to the US or at least shed some light into the matter.  

If anything, by reading and investigating you will be able to explain to the askers of why.  

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Money & Time

“If I had more money” and “If I had more time.” I say these two are the two biggest lies I tell myself.  

Money.  

There are times when I do wish I had more money.  “If I had more money at this moment I would not have this problem or I could make the problem go away.”  While yes, having a bit more money at that moment might help me solve that particular problem, other money issues will soon arise after and they too would require more money to solve.  The issue then is not having more money, but what is being done with the available funds at hand I would say is the issue.  I am a reflector so I am well aware of this but I still do things which I should not, like buy a five dollar coffee.

Time. 

I used to say if I had more time, I could do whatever.  But it wasn’t until I got cancer did I really understand the concept of time.   The truth is I and YOU have the time if I make the time.  If there is something I really want to do, then there is definitely time. Upon being diagnosed with cancer and praying that I would be a survivor, I vowed to neve take time for granted again.  I remember hearing people say “this weekend we can” or “next month that.”  I remember thinking to myself, how do you even know you will be around then.  I do not take my time for granted.  This, my friends, is no easy task.  It requires me to say no to engagements and activities that would be considered rude to say no to or would cause the occasional whisper.  “She’s not going?”  “ She left?”  I do not mean to be rude. I just choose to use my time wisely for I know it is not indefinite; it can and will eventually run out.  

The money one is still a lie I tell myself occasionally, but not the one of time. I have been cancer free for 2 years.

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Kitchen & School

“Ok boys and girls we are going to have a test after this.”  “Pay attention.”   I turned to the chalkboard and proceeded to teach my six dolls how to spell words.  Playing school was one of the things I did quite frequently.  I had good students, like Lisa, my dolly who always paid attention, but sometimes Ian the teddy bear  would misbehave and be sent to the principal’s office.  I had a large chalkboard, the one with two sides.  Saturday afternoons were my favorite time to play school.  

“Hi, welcome, may I take your order?”  With a quick flip of my chalkboard my room had transformed into a restaurant.  “And how would you like your eggs cooked?”   Playing kitchen was my second favorite activity.  One Christmas my parents gave me a kitchen that actually could use real water to wash my Holly Hobbie dishes and tea cups.  My mom would buy me the books with the carbon papers where I could take the orders.  My customers would always paid in cash and would get the right amount of change back because the digital cash register helped me figure out the change.  I did it all,  I cooked, waited and took payments.  I was definitely understaffed and sure if I got tips.   

These two activities, I cannot say if they were the dream jobs that I had thought about as a child but they were the two activities that I played the most in my room.  Today, these same two activities are the ones I most engage in. I currently work in the field of education. I teach middle schoolers and I have been teaching for over twenty years now,  a very gratifying while frustrating job.  I also enjoy cooking.  When I moved into my house, the first thing I did was remodel the kitchen to make it my dream kitchen.  I love to try new recipes and whip up desserts on any given day.  According to my kids “In this house, we eat very gourmet food.”   

Today’s question was a good one.  It brought back happy memories and realizations.   

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Bookshelf

Had to peruse my bookshelves for this one. I wasn’t sure I even had a repeat author.  I immediately thought, nope I do not have one as I am a nonfiction reader. But of course, I proved myself wrong.  There are two repeat authors.  David Sedaris and Chelsea Handler. They are definitely my favorites.  Humor and sarcasm are the common denominator. 

Historical, academic texts, biographies, autobiographies and memoirs are my typical readings. Serious informational reading one might say. But Handler and Sedaris are two authors which also call my attention. Their writing causes me to burst out laughing, chuckle and smile in public or at home. I especially love it when it happens in public. Oh the looks and stares of envy I get. These types of books are great reads, enough to make me a repeat buyer.

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Boarding Gone Wrong!

My perfer mode of travel is by plane. Its usually quickest way to travel although not necessarily the least stressful way especially during borading.

Photo by Alex Azabache on Pexels.com

Usually I am not one to board a plane right away nor do I tend to take things on board because I do not want to be fighting for space in the overhead compartments. But on this occasion, I had to do both; board early because I was taking carry on items. As I sat and waited for the other members of the row to join me, I began to observe all the happenings of the boarding process.

One of the first things I noticed was that a lot of people that morning woke up and forgot how to count. People kept passing their rows and ended up having to double back, which of course mucked up the boarding process, causing congestion and some uncomfortable touching. I sat there mystified because these people had their tickets in hand with the row number on it and yet they still seemed to pass up their assigned seat. Then, there were those whose bags were too cumbersome for them to handle and struggled to place them into the overhead bins. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why people pack bags that they cannot carry or handle. At this point I checked my watch because I felt some time had passed and we had not made much progress in boarding. We were already 30 minutes in and half the plane was still empty. At the same time, I began to wonder where my row companions were, as the seats next to me were still unoccupied. Perhaps they were stuck behind the person who could lift their bag into the overhead compartment or rubbing butts with someone because someone was doubling back to their missed seat.

Photo by Sourav Mishra on Pexels.com

The most entertaining boarding event I witnessed was the window aisle seat switcharoo! You know where a person sits in the aisle seat because they have a window seat or vice versa. Why for the life of me do people play such games? Why not simply take your seat then ask if anyone would mind switching. It is obvious that you are faking. The letters A and C and D and F look nothing alike so confusion is not justified. There are little pictures next to the letters too to help avoid confusion on seat assignments but yet there are still lost soles sitting where they should not be. Finally, there is the I am not seated next to someone because my seat assignment is way over on the other side of the plane problem so I decided to sit here. This really is a biggy as it holds everything up as this requires multiple participants. Not only do you need to involve the person sitting next to you but you may need to involve passengers in the next row or even rows aways. Once you find a person willing to switch seats then you have the whole carry on bag issue. What about my bags? OMG just sit down! You will have to wait and be inconvenienced at the end of the flight just like you are inconvenincing everyone right now. I looked at my watch and thought wow 45 minutes into boarding how much longer is this going to take?! I was about to recheck my ticket for the estimated time of departure when my row mates showed up, a young couple. As they sat down and we tried to figure out which belt buckle belonged to who, the man mumbled to his partner “Just in time, best way to fly is with no carry ons so you can board at the end not have to worry which leaves room for more preflight cocktails.”

Noted.

Exploring Italy: A Culinary Adventure by Bike

Daily writing prompt
What countries do you want to visit?
View all responses

There is only one country I truly want to visit, and that’s Italy. But when I say “visit,” I don’t mean the typical tourist trip where you hit the famous landmarks and snap photos with historical monuments. No, no. I want to bike and eat my way through Italy. If I didn’t see a single tourist attraction, I’d be perfectly okay with that.

My love for Italian food began with my first boyfriend, Salvatore—better known as Sloopy, who, of course, was Italian. Thursday nights were pasta nights at his house, and they quickly became the highlight of my week. The gravy, as his family called it, was the best I had ever tasted. Needless to say, every Thursday I was having dinner at my boyfriend’s place. Holiday meals were another favorite. The traditional Christmas Eve dinner of fish? To die for.

In addition to having an Italian boyfriend, my first job was at an Italian bakery called Maria’s. My bosses—yep, Italian. The owner barely spoke English. All the workers, except for me, were Italian. I was constantly surrounded by Italian cookies, cakes, and pastries. It was a great job and I loved working there and making cannolis. I especially loved dipping my hand into the empty cannoli cream bucket and scraping off the leftovers stuck to the sides. Don’t worry—the bucket was empty! Calm down.

Even my friends at the time were Italian. Imagine that. When I transferred to a public school, the student body was mostly made up of two groups: you were either Black or Italian. I was neither, and I ended up becoming friends with the Italians. I spent so much time with them that I naturally absorbed parts of their culture and even picked up some of the language. That influence has stayed with me throughout my life.

So, in the end, there’s still only one country I want to visit: Italy. Biking and eating my way through the diverse landscapes of Italy sounds like the most authentic way to experience its cuisine and culture. Sure, my plan comes with a few logistical challenges—extra clothing, storing items I collect along the way—but I’m confident I can figure that out.

Teachers and Bathroom Breaks: A Struggle

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

I need to go to the bathroom but I can’t because I can’t leave my class alone.

If you are a teacher reading this, I am pretty sure you can relate. Going to the bathroom ,for teachers, is a luxury. Bladder relief is a timed situation, morning, lunch, planning period, or passing time.

Oh my, here comes a student to talk to me. I guess I will have to hold it for another hour or so. No big deal, I hope.

Question, what other professions have a similar situation with lavatory usage?

AI & Prompting

What is the last thing you learned?

The most recent and useful thing I have learned is about AI and how to prompt it properly to get what I want. When I first started dabbling with AI, the results required me to “fix” the information. I was spending a lot of time fixing and reprompting the responses I received. I wondered what the big deal with AI was, where was the usefulness? It seemed like more work to edit everything than if I had just done it myself from the start. But after some investigation and a few online tutoring videos, I now see the wonders of AI. It is most definitely a time saver and a great idea generator.

If you have dabbled and not gotten the results you were looking for, the problem might be with your AI prompting approach. I recommend watching a few tutorials. Hopefully, this will be as helpful as it was for me.

Office Culture & Social Interactions

Are Work Friendships Real?

We spend a lot of our time at work, surrounded by the same people every day. But does that make them friends? I’ve always thought that just because you talk to people on a daily basis, it doesn’t mean they’re your real friend. They might just be a “work friend.” But some may see it differently. Some people will say that their closest friendships started at work and has continued. This got me thinking, are work friendships real?

Besides friendships, there are so many personalities we encounter at work. For example, the Office Energy Drainer. You may know this person too. The one who always has a complaint, a problem, or some drama that somehow drains you before you even finish your coffee. They can turn a simple “How are you?” into a 10-minute rant that leaves you emotionally exhausted. Or what about the Strategic Friend. Not exactly your bestie, but they’re in your corner when you need them. They always know what’s going on, know how to navigate tricky situations, and most importantly always have the best timing when it comes to covering for you. Is this a friendship? hmmm

Of course, these are just a few of the personalities that make wok interesting. If you want to hear more about the unspoken truths of work relationships, and maybe laugh a little along the way, check out The Nobody Talks About It Podcast!

A Tall Glass of

What is your favorite drink?

Water.

I love water. Room temperature water is my favorite drink. I will take it anytime over anything else.

Ice you say? No. Gets in the way.

How about cold water? Well, cold cold, no. Cool water on a hot day is good but still no ice.

Lemon water you ask. Nope. Not needed. Plain ol’ water from the tap usually works.

There is nothing like a glass of water to quench your thirst any time on any day. Nothing beats it!

Favorite Candy

What’s your favorite candy?

Three Musketeers is hands down my favorite candy bar. Light and airy, reminding me of a chocolate mousse. I love chocolate mouse so I guess it make sense that Three Musketeers is my favorite candy bar.

Second favorite candy bar is SKOR. Not sure if this is even made anymore as I am no longer a frequent shopper of candy. The hard toffee, I think it is toffee. Not sure but whatever it is, it is super yummy. I used to love when my teeth would stick together while I are it. I am sure that was not good for my teeth but still I had fun eating it.

Now I am a dark chocolate lover, 80% or higher and only a small square is needed to satisfy my chocolate craving.

My how things change.

Listen up ladies!

Daily writing prompt
Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.
View all responses

Most definitely, my brush blow dryer! Every time I use it, I actually say to myself, “Wow, this is the best gift!”

Some may think, A blow dryer? And I say, YES, a blow dryer! But it’s not just any blow dryer—it’s a two-in-one! A brush and a hair dryer. WOW! Amazing!

I have thick, wavy, sometimes unruly hair, and drying it at home is a royal pain. This dryer frees up one hand! Instead of juggling a brush in one hand and a dryer in the other, I have both built into one device. Now, when one hand gets tired, I can switch to the other. Before, both hands would tire—one more than the other—and I could only switch between tools, not actually rest my arm. But with this blower brush, I can finally give my arm a break. What an amazing invention!

Ladies, if you haven’t tried it yet, I highly recommend it. It’s the closest you can get to a salon-quality blowout at home. My only advice? Invest in a good one. The cheap ones don’t work as well—you’ve got to spend a little to get the best results!

Are Kids Overrated?

Recently I was asked “Should I have kids?” and I answered “Kids are overrated.” Boy, did I get eyeballed. Comments included, “What do you mean? ” ” I can’t believe you just said that!” “How can you say that?” “What’s wrong with having kids.” “Don’t you have kids?” Yes, I have kids. I have two, in fact, and they are wonderful. However, that does not mean you should have kids too. Nor does it mean I would recommend you having kids.

There is an unspoken blueprint in life. We are born, and then we grow up, get a job, find a partner, and have kids. Before anyone has kids, they should think long and hard on the topic. Having kids and raising kids is no picnic. It requires a tremendous amount of strength, time, energy and commitment. It’s easy to assume that, parenthood is the next step. However, we rarely consider the parts of ourselves we will have to let go of.

This question of “Should I have kids?” is very complicated and should not be taken lightly. What does having children really entail, for YOU, as an individual? For more thoughts around this topic, listen to the Nobody Talks About It Podcast, episode Are Kids Overrated. Here, Karen and I talk openly about this topic and try to shed light deciding to have kids.

If you like what you hear, be sure to like and follow us! On major podcast outlets.

Share your thoughts in the comment section below. I look forward to hearing from you!

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Wait Maybe.

Daily writing prompt
How are you creative?
View all responses

Initially, my response was, “I’m not. I’m not creative.” Then I gave it a second thought and realized, well, writing this blog post makes me creative. I wonder how many others posted this exact response.

But, just as I was about to close my computer, it hit me—I am creative. Standing in front of middle school kids every day, teaching social studies, requires a lot of creativity. How does one keep their interest and spark curiosity in a topic so they want to explore it further? That takes creativity. Managing classroom behavior also demands creativity. Yelling, scolding, and threatening? Sure, they might work occasionally, but those methods wear thin quickly.

And let’s not forget the constant need to adapt lessons for neurodiversity within each class. Creating variations of the same lesson to meet the needs of every student—that’s creativity in action.

In the end, I am creative. As someone said, “Teaching is an Art!”